My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
