I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize