SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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