True but thats because hes a fetus.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize