Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
