When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
