I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
