Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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