PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
