i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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