What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
