Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
