I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
