I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
