Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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