Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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