and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
