dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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