the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
