You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize