you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
