dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
