I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
