oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
