I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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