Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
