Michael Bay diarrhea
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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