Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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