There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
