he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
