She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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