The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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