Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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