You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
