Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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