She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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