Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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