We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
