Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
