I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
