We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She even gives head with a lisp.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
