i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
