had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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