You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
