How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
