Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
