So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
