You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
