12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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