you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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