well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
