I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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