at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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