therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
