she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
