I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
