I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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