I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
