I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
