It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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