I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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