Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
try to milk me bitch
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
