Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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