why didn't you poke me back
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
