I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
