Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
