I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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