this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The air was thick with penises
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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