No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
