Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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