And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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