11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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